Big Questions For Such A Little Girl

A few weeks ago Dana's grandfather passed away. His health had been declining for weeks and we all knew that he was dying. When Dana's mom called with the news that he had passed, Dana was upset and crying. Mary Grace wanted to know why her mommy was sad. We sat her down and tried to explain that her great Boppa (she calls Dana's dad Boppa because that's they way she first pronounced it) was very old and that his body had quit working. We emphasized that he was old and had lived a long life. She said ok and we thought, "that was easy."

Well, over the next few days she began to ask some serious questions. She wanted to know why her great grandfather had died. When we explained that he was old and sick and it was his time, she then wanted to know what he did to die, like he had an accident or something to make it happen. Again, we tried to explain that is what happens after you live for a long time.

Dana had talked to our friend Mickie and she had said that Mary Grace had been asking the same sort of questions when she had been over at her house. A couple weeks ago Mary Grace fell while trying to jump a ball and hurt her neck. The next day she woke up and her neck was sore. She asked if it was broken. We explained that it wasn't broken. She then asked if it was broken would she die. We began to see the way she has been processing death. She was afraid of doing something to make her body quit working.

Here is where the story takes a morbid, humorous turn. A few months ago I bought Mary Grace 2 gold fish. We decided to let her name her goldfish. She insisted on Mary Grace and Ben. So, thier names were Mary Grace and Ben. When we went on vacation, our friends Dan and Mickie kept the fish. When we returned, Mickie called us to tell us that the fish Mary Grace didn't survive. Dana and I talked about how to tell Mary Grace. She has been struggling with processing death and dying already and we werent quite sure how she would take it. We thought of burying it in the yard, but it's a fish after all. We thought of flushing it down the toilet, but was afraid that might send the wrong message. We thought of taking it to the pond and throwing it in, but then it would float (not a picture we would like to leave in a little girl's head).

After discussing it, I decided to cop out and take the easy route. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a new Mary Grace fish. In my justification, we weren't avoiding the conversation, but we were pushing pause on it to give Mary Grace more time to process the thoughts that have been going on in her little head. So, I picked one that looked just like the other one. I was very proud of my decision. When I got to Dan and Mickie's house, I discovered that the other fish was twice the size of the other one. Now, I'm praying that she doesn't notice because that will bring more questions that I'm not prepared to answered.