Big Questions For Such A Little Girl

A few weeks ago Dana's grandfather passed away. His health had been declining for weeks and we all knew that he was dying. When Dana's mom called with the news that he had passed, Dana was upset and crying. Mary Grace wanted to know why her mommy was sad. We sat her down and tried to explain that her great Boppa (she calls Dana's dad Boppa because that's they way she first pronounced it) was very old and that his body had quit working. We emphasized that he was old and had lived a long life. She said ok and we thought, "that was easy."

Well, over the next few days she began to ask some serious questions. She wanted to know why her great grandfather had died. When we explained that he was old and sick and it was his time, she then wanted to know what he did to die, like he had an accident or something to make it happen. Again, we tried to explain that is what happens after you live for a long time.

Dana had talked to our friend Mickie and she had said that Mary Grace had been asking the same sort of questions when she had been over at her house. A couple weeks ago Mary Grace fell while trying to jump a ball and hurt her neck. The next day she woke up and her neck was sore. She asked if it was broken. We explained that it wasn't broken. She then asked if it was broken would she die. We began to see the way she has been processing death. She was afraid of doing something to make her body quit working.

Here is where the story takes a morbid, humorous turn. A few months ago I bought Mary Grace 2 gold fish. We decided to let her name her goldfish. She insisted on Mary Grace and Ben. So, thier names were Mary Grace and Ben. When we went on vacation, our friends Dan and Mickie kept the fish. When we returned, Mickie called us to tell us that the fish Mary Grace didn't survive. Dana and I talked about how to tell Mary Grace. She has been struggling with processing death and dying already and we werent quite sure how she would take it. We thought of burying it in the yard, but it's a fish after all. We thought of flushing it down the toilet, but was afraid that might send the wrong message. We thought of taking it to the pond and throwing it in, but then it would float (not a picture we would like to leave in a little girl's head).

After discussing it, I decided to cop out and take the easy route. I went to Wal-Mart and bought a new Mary Grace fish. In my justification, we weren't avoiding the conversation, but we were pushing pause on it to give Mary Grace more time to process the thoughts that have been going on in her little head. So, I picked one that looked just like the other one. I was very proud of my decision. When I got to Dan and Mickie's house, I discovered that the other fish was twice the size of the other one. Now, I'm praying that she doesn't notice because that will bring more questions that I'm not prepared to answered.

I thought we'd give this blogging thing a try...

Last night we were driving back from vacation through the night because because Ben had been rudely awoken by the fire alarm in the hotel and refused to go back to sleep. So, at 3:30 am I was driving and thinking.

I started by praying that I would stay awake as I drove. Then I began to think of the ways that God has revealed himself to me. I have met Him in real ways through scripture and worship. The more I thought I began to realize that I have seen Christ most through people in my life. Some have been beautiful, wonderful ways while a few have been painful or frustrating.

First, when God said that it was not good for man to be alone, He knew what he was talking about, especially this one. I am thankful for my beautiful bride of almost 8 years. Dana without a doubt is the better half in this marriage. She has taught me so much about unconditional love, patience, forgiveness, parenting, and many other things. My parenting skills are basically mirroring what I have seen Dana already doing with the kids. One of my favorite gifts of hers is that she is a prayer warrior. I take comfort in the fact that she prays for me, our kids, our family, and our ministry.

There have also been a handful of guys that God has put in my path that have loved me and have been God's tool to sharpen me. Each one of these men of God have shown me a glimpse into who Jesus Christ is.

Also, my family and those who feel like family (although we're not blood related) know me to my core and love me anyway. They have seen my temper and experienced my selfishness. They have extended the hand of grace to me. I have learned to love by the way they have loved me.

As I was driving and thanking God for these people in my life I want to strive more to reflect the love and life of Jesus Christ to the people in my life. I want to play more with my family and work less while I am at home. I want to listen more and speak less. I want to forgive freely and not hold grudges. I want to love others the way that I am loved by first Christ and then others in my life.